I don’t know about how other people function. But these are some of the moments I felt hurt by my decisions and actions.
- When injustice or aggression was made my way and I didn’t do justice for myself due to fear and confusion, I felt ashamed of my inability to defend myself.
- When I hurt others, I hurt myself.
- When I didn’t do anything to change my situation in company of those whose influence didn’t please me, I felt disrespected by myself.
- When my words and actions didn’t match honestly, I felt disrespected by myself.
- In the attempt to make myself believe in a lie knowingly in order to keep something a secret or deny my shame or mistake, I felt alone, and the shame doubled on top of the original shame.
- When I didn’t right my own mistakes, they would keep coming back and bite me in the behind, hurting my self-esteem.
- When I blamed my circumstances on my misfortune and played myself the victim, I took away my own strength and capacity to learn and change, making myself feel helpless and deficient, consolidating a correctable failure as my inability.
My child likes to see me taking the courage to act in justice to myself and to others, reminds me never to think of myself as someone incapable of changing my behavior or my situation to be happy, or to make her believe that she can’t learn something just because of the initial difficulty. She hates being lied to, by me or by anyone else, and lets me know I’m always stronger than I judge myself to be. And after so many of my mistakes, I try to listen to her and give her what she deserves.